This was a blog post I evidently worked on during a week or two in the US after my first 4 months in Honduras.
There are moments in life where things seem to collide. Some call it coincidence. Some call it Karma. Some call it fate. I call it the hand or plan of God.
There are times when there is an undeniable theme in our lives. Sometimes it is sweet things like grace. Provision. Love. Sometimes it is Sin. Forgiveness (when you don't want to forgive). Patience. Longsuffering. We love those lessons that seem like a balm. But not the ones James speaks about that build up things in us due to trials or because of our sin. Those we can live without, right?
I shared with you guys about the Cross Centered Life. It is still a theme. One that I am learning more about daily. How to cling to the cross in a new way that is freeing. Freeing from the junk that distracts my heart and screams that it (or me) are more important. Freedom from legalism. From the way that we too often live in- the world's way.
I found my book "Embracing Obscurity" when I came home and started reading it again yesterday. I didn't take it to Honduras because I thought surely I wouldn't need to finish that book in Honduras. There is nothing but obscurity to embrace there. Oh. So not true.
Since before I left Honduras last week the Holy Spirit has been whispering truths to my heart and shining his Holy Spirit life on sin and just simply the ugly things I have clung to. And this week with the Cross Centered Life continually before me, comments from friends that love me enough to be honest and not leave me like I am and in reading Embracing Obscurity I realize God is slowly wrecking me. Breaking me down so He can put me back together whole.
I am learning I have a long way to go as far as dying to self goes. So very far. I would glady hear and obey God's call to go to Let's say "AFrica" than to just let the guy beside me have the right of way when I am impatient and in a hurry. (EO Example) I am not afraid to do the mundane. The behind the scenes work. But when it comes to someone infringing on my space, my stuff, my way sometimes I bow up like a small kitten staring down a great dane. Selfishness and Pride. I chose who is "worthy" of my time and sharing His love with. I am a jerk and a hoarder of good things.
It is not comfortable. It is not easy. I try to hide how I really feel, but He knows. And He loves me and calls me to more, to change. To be like Him.
Note from June 2017- This is clearly not done...but it seems like something I want to share. Because I still struggle with it. I am still humbled by seeing how He worked in my life then, how He still does. How He loves me when I feel unlovable and completely selfish. But that is His nature. To love and work out His best in our lives. For His Glory. So yes, Holy Spirit do that.