Where have you been?

Sorry for my absence.  For those of you who follow along with my world here I apologize.  It’s been strange and weird.

 

For those of you who know me in real life and you wonder where I have been or what in the world has been going on, I apologize.  It’s been weird lately.

 

For those of you reading my blog for the first time today- it’s been weird lately.  Welcome to my world.

 

Here’s the story:

Since early last fall the Maker of the Universe, the Lord Almighty, My Best Friend, has been leading me on a journey.  Destination (in this world) not quite known.  His continual call to me has been “Be Available.”   And some days that is comforting.  Some days it has scared me to death.  Lately the second. 

 

·      I willingly sold my house- looking forward to getting out of debt.

·      I was willing to sell my car and get a clunker so I could get out of debt on that.  God’s plan was different- some gracious brother/sister in Christ blessed me with paying it off. 

·      I quit my job last fall to focus on what I love- telling people about Christ.  Mostly through practical things.  And loving on the people of the world.  I ended up without a job for 7 weeks.

·      I worked at Chick Fil A sticking my head, food, and money out the window for short of 4 months.  I learned a lot about service there.  I am grateful for that time.

·      And now I work at a place I never would have imagined I would have worked.  It is a challenge each day.  Challenge as in some days great, some days really tough.

·      And In the spring I felt the Lord asking me to give up something else- My title of “Missions Coordinator”  Really?  I loved it.  I loved what I got to do.  To take teams of people around the world, the nation, the community sharing Christ.  To see God work through us all to impact eternity.  And to challenge others to press in to what God has for them on a daily basis.  Now I have to give that up?  REALLY?  What I am I going to do then Lord? I am not ready to move to the other side of the world. I don’t know what else to DO. I haven’t really been so okay with this latest request. 

This leads me to the strange weird part of my world. 

 

I am no longer “Coordinating Missions” for a church.  I continue to work with Patrick and Bridge Africa and Lisa Pierce with Alabama Rural Ministries.  And the mission field that is my work (and it is HUGE).  But this has left me in a strange place.  I don’t feel like I fit in.  Cornerstone Church is not a place that I fit in anymore.  No, there is NOTHING that the church, the staff there, or anyone did.  It’s just not my place anymore.  So where to go, what to do? 

 

I would tell you that I am going to move to Uganda next year.  But I don’t know that.  I would tell you that I am going to work at the Nursing Home for the next 5 years.  But I don’t know that.  I would tell you where I am going to live after my time at the cabin is done.  But I don’t know that. 

 

And it is very hard to say “I don’t know.”  Continually to those who ask me what is going on my life.  So have been pretty much on the move.  As in “moving targets are harder to hit.” Yep, been running.  Because I don’t know how to answer the questions.  How to put a good “spin” on things lately because I haven’t been feeling too excited about it all.  Because it scares the ever living snot out of me. 

 

That perhaps I am going to move across the world somewhere.  To a place I have to learn a whole new language.  Learn to like the food longterm.  Miss my friends the Lord has blessed me with.  And I am not okay with that right now.  I stopped saying “NO” to the Lord about moving overseas earlier this year.  I stopped saying “NO” to the Lord about a bunch of things this year.  But since my return from Uganda in May I pretty much have avoided the Lord when It comes to  MY life because I am afraid what He is going to require of me next. 

 

Trust me, I love to speak truth into others lives.  And I have been.  I love to hear what God is doing in and for everyone else.  But lately I have been skimming by because I don’t want to own up to the fact that He is/may be calling me to things that stretch me further than I can imagine.

 

I know that if He is calling me somewhere- it will be perfect.  The fact that I am single won’t matter- He will provide exactly what my heart needs.  That I will love the food “there.”  That I will love the new language.  That if He is calling me to stay here and be “the Bridge” and work at the nursing home, it will be perfect.  I just have to let go of “ME” doing it. 

 

So please know that I am in process.  And in the midst of this process it has been messy.  And it has been hard for me to talk to people about it.  Because it exposes a lot of my flaws and faults.  And I have to actually own up to who I  really am.  And turn that over.   And claim who HE wants me to be.   And where HE wants me to be. 

 

I am in the middle of taking a few days to seek His face (yep, scary.) To seek His Truth.  To seek HIM.  And in the midst of being still before Him hear what He has to tell me about what is “Next.” Whether it be the next step, the whole story, or nothing.  And to be okay with that. 

 

For HE is Perfect.  And so are His ways. 

 

So know if the blog is quiet- it’s because I am still trying to figure out what to say.  And know that I appreciate you checkin in.

 

Comments

[Buffie Tuck]

Andi- We will be praying for your "process". Your blog has blessed me so much, I hope you will continue while you are waiting. I am reminded of a song that was written based on a verse about Elijah. God wasn't in the fire, He wasn't in the quake, He wasn't in the wind... He's in the whisper. Praying that you'll hear him...Buffie

[Amanda McCourry]

Andi,

I am proud of you and your strength. I always go through these same trials in ignoring Him and doing what I want to do. It is hard to lay down and do what He wants you to do when you have no idea where it is going to take you. Its scary and i love your strength to admit that. You are an amazing friend and person of God and I love you for that! I miss you tons and praying for you. I hope that at Emmaus you will start to know what God has planned for you and embrace it and just go for it!!!
Love you Andi!
Amanda McCourry